Aiiight chek it

[LyricalIllusion]

I guess u were v last 2 no that we were finished
V nxt day u still had tears in ure eyes
So by then I knew........
No more mystery's or lies

Here I am wanted 2 b taken by u 4 free
Like old times me and U U and Me
We had alot of arguments and I always started the fight
But I'm gonna try my best 2 make things right
Want 2 go 2 v cinema and hold u all through the night

I shouldnt of cheated on u u were my 1 and only boo
Now I No im in love and it feels good inv most coomonplace
Like mums giving birth
And sweetness and grace

Now this is the story that ended in tears
Now the Lad and the girl have dissapered
L8er v body of a girl woz found
In the River way under v ground

The body of the male
They still look and trail
But v mission 2 get him will soon b a fail
U c v lad murdered v girl then commited suicide
He didnt giv a F*uck of his or the girls pride
His life long ambition woz 4 d girl 2 b his bride

K i wouldnt do this soppy stuff normaly but I hought id giv it a go
FeedBack on this plz as in if u liked it and/or how 2 improve
c Im new 2 dis poem shit so if ya'll dont like it fuk it lol

[PLAYBOYBLAZE]

not bad man....i liked it....i say throw some more dog....n dont get it twisted cuzz poetry is the shit dog.....

-peace

[LyricalIllusion]

aiight ta I won't

[B-Blaze]

real good nic!
safe

[Divine Write]

http://www.rapdogs.com/message-board-forum/viewtopic.php?t=2261

sorry, til then it's locked

[LyricalIllusion]

lol fo sho did'nt see this was open n e more uppn for feedback
BLAH

[~Lady N~]

By readin this i wouldn't be able to tell that u was new to poetry. I was feelin this. The only thing that sometimes confused me was how u would say V and ish like dat. I liked the story and how it showed how deeply people become attached to people they love and sometimes love makes you do crazy stuff. I liked how it was soppy, i like when guys show they emotional side. my favortie line was Here I am wanted 2 b taken by u 4 free
Like old times me and U U and Me
I dunno exactly why i liked this line it just caught my eye i guess. Well, I hope u decide to take up poetry so i can peep some more of urs. Much love to u.

[Juicy]

this shyt is reallly really nice.... i like it alottt.... u doing great... peace

[Textacee]

ye fo sho ta for the feedback Ima throw sum more

[PLAYBOYBLAZE]

read the rules....until then it's locked