Stolen Man, Distant Land, Burning Hands

[Big-D]

Life often feels like a D I S T A N T – L A N D
Reaching out but can't F E E L – T H E – H A N D S
My feet are scorching from the B U R N I N G – S A N D S
Trying to Escape from my F E L L O W – M A N, Cant agree with H I S – P L A N
Don’t want to end up in S T O L E N – L A N D

No more "I Thought," Cause now "I – T H I N K – I – C A N"
Rebelling against the P L A N, Plotting against the K L A N
Still reaching out, but cant F E E L – T H E – H A N D S
Worried about my F A M...

3 lashes I – G E T, from the B U L L – W H I P
Working for free, this job C A N T – B E – L E G I T
Filled with anger, but I – C A N T – F L I P
S L A V E – M A S T E R – T R I P S...

Anger turns to R A G E, My vision G E T S – H A Z E D
Reaching out my hand, S L A V E – M A S T E R – I S – D A Z E D
I tighten the G R I P, as his life S T A R T S – T O – S L I P

T O R T U R E D - A N D - M A I M E D , maybe even H A N G E D
Cause I’m a man who couldn't B E – T A M E D
Trying to Escape from my F E L L O W – M A N
How did I end up in S T O L E N – L A N D

My feet are scorching from the B U R N I N G – S A N D S,
Reaching out but can't F E E L – T H E – H A N D S
My wrist is all alone in the D I S T A N T – L A N D

Copyright 2003© Big-D - All Rights Reserved
No part of this document may be reproduced in any form without written permission by Big-D

A little something off the top of my head. I hope everyone is enlightened by this. (I think I'm going to post this somewhere else as well!)

Peace

[Big-D]

No comments? suggestion? critisim? We are supposed to be a community!

[PLAYBOYBLAZE]

come on Big-D...u of all people know about the two links law in the poetry forum.....email me when you get them, but, until you get those, I have to lock this thread...sorry

[PLAYBOYBLAZE]

http://rapdogs.com/message-board-forum/viewtopic.php?t=3619



http://rapdogs.com/message-board-forum/viewtopic.php?t=3555



thanks Big-D

[Domestik]

It's O.K. . I was sort of feeling the subject, however I would have felt it more if it was a litle more creative. Not as basic of a rhyme scheme is what I'm saying, but still I think it's ok.

[Big-D]

It's O.K. . I was sort of feeling the subject, however I would have felt it more if it was a litle more creative. Not as basic of a rhyme scheme is what I'm saying, but still I think it's ok.

Good looking out! I appriciate the feed back.

Peace

[Sleepy]

I'm feelin' this. While readin' one could feel the rage...
I am really likin' the word play on "reaching out, but can't feel the hands"
Madd real. Dope ish, keep poetry flowin, this is my favorite forum of all so.. handle it. One.

[1-G_MC]

nice shit.....this is the 1st poem that I've seen from you....good start








=1=

[~Lady N~]

I was feelin this poem, it has a different style and a nice concept. Stay up and Much luv to u.

[Domestik]

Thanks for accepting the feedback respectfully. One guy/girl kind of got mad that I wasn't like "Oh Yeah! Your sh1t was totally hot dude. It made me want to cry."
I only give honest opinions and like to point out what "I" may think could be done to make someones poetry/lyrics better.
Again thanks for accepting it respectfully.

[PLAYBOYBLAZE]

hey dome save that fo a chatroom...respect goes both wayz....

now, Big-D, that was really good man..i didnt know you
had it in you...I liked the whole concept being felt thru
the hands...you kept to your point the whole way through
and I think the next one you write is really going to move
some peeps...lookin forward to it, you got some helpful
criticism in this post, id like to add: some more in depth
detail would be good to see....

-peace

[FlawlesS]

i'll put my 2 cents in on this too..
i liked it, but if u had used a larger vocabulary, it could have made it more descriptive/vivid....but it was good..keep doin ya thing

peace

[LyricalIllusion]

yo nice shyt g liked the flow easy to read keep it up