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mello2
02-13-2007, 09:49 PM
i close my eyes. i control my destiny
my life is a crime scene, a true mystery//
my misery,a light at the end of a tunnel
gettin in trouble, welcome to my concrete jungle//
this games like math and so i hate subtractin
faces of my friends lye dead in these caskets//
this happens so rapid, a crisis so tragic
ur show is over but these cats keep on clappin//
i live with no regrets, no remorse to what ive done
im going crazy like those war vets from vietnam//
im working my ass off, time to blast off
leave u motionless like a wax doll//
ill isolate you like a man in a cubicle
cops find you dead at home then go to your funeral//

i dont know, i just started to rap and im really having flowing problems..i dont know, can you guys send me some feedback on what i can do better and what was wrong with my rap...

EyEcRu:ST
02-14-2007, 08:14 PM
wrong section. post in freestyle and open mic forum

mello2
02-15-2007, 08:15 PM
can u guys give me some feedback anyways, its my first rap and im having concerns about writing, and after reading everybody elses texts, i relaized how bad i am.....can i get some tips on what to do better